QotD: The Juiciest Chapters
Someone's writing a biography of your life (to date). What is the best/worst chapter of the book?
Submitted by Ross.
Well, that will be tough. We know it won't be the early chapters. That'll just be too boring. Though after the publication of my first book, things get interesting. There's the Nobel, the Pulitzer, the Macarthur genius grant, too many to list really and is that really of any interest? Probably not. My stormy first marriage to Matt Dillon would probably interest people, and the whole "she's the new Yoko" crap they were spewing once I hooked up with Carl Newman.
Oh, oh and the whole "What a Dick" scandal that plagued my sister's appointment to the Department of Health and Human Services might be of interest to some.
I think what will be the most interesting chapter is my induction into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. The stirring speeches given by both Daby and Hotrod in my honor. There wasn't a dry-eye in the house, especially when Hotrod talked about how my musical influence changed the course of his life. Well, who wouldn't cry?. And how they got Paul Westerberg and Mike Doughty to duet on Achin' to Be is really beyond me, but probably one of the most memorable moments of my life. Really, they are so kind and generous. I get choked up just thinking about it.
Comments
And why would I admit wrongness to the very list that was instrumental in my induction into the RnRHOF?
You wouldn't. But let's not forget that that induction came at a price, as Paul Westerberg personally released a statement on the eve of your induction denouncing your list. He called your induction a "travesty of the highest magnitude." Then he kicked you out of the Replacements fan club and sued you for the rights to iwilldare.com. And he won.
I also don't see how you failed to mention the chapter when Carl Newman dumps you after walking in on you and Dan Bejar (who is eating a sandwich at the time). Shameful.
Carl and I came through the whole Bejar fiasco, he understands it was just a misunderstanding akin to when Bowie's wife found him and Mick Jagger in bed together. Nothing happened.
And consider yourself lucky that I haven't spoken about your ugly bout as a Scientologist or how you were caught selling company secrets to Perez Hilton, the very actions that had you FIRED from your job as Senior VP of Stuff at Supergenius HQ.
And Carl never got over your perfidy. That of course led to the incident where he shaved your head, burned your clothes and locked you out of your shared Brooklyn brownstone, naked and alone at 3:00 a.m.
I'm sorry, but I have to say that as CEO of Supergenius, Inc. Hotrod completely embodied the very ideal of professionalism. Besides, he said you were totally asking for it. I stand beside my appointment of him to lead the company while I was on tour with Carl.
As for Hotrod and the pipe, that train has already left the station. He got quite agitated when you refused to retract your statements regarding Little Red Corvette.
And you know I only slept with Hilary to fulfill Bill's fondest fantasy. By the way, you do know there's still an injunction on you and you can't put the videos on YouTube. Right?
In retrospect maybe I shouldn't have introduced Hotrod to Pete, but I swear I thought "10-day meth binge" was just a cockney colloquialism for "fun night out." You know those Brits and their sayings.
I have no intent of honoring that injunction, but I'm certainly not going to give the footage away to YouTube. I'm in talks now with the people who published the Paris Hilton DVD. It will all be very high-tone, I promise.
We'll see how far you go without your svengali. I'll just go create a new star, but you're already starting your downward spiral into infamy and personal destruction. I hope you're happy.
You wanted the fame and the glory and didn't care who you had to step on to get it. You lied about me, you accused your best friend of sexual harassment and what that gotten you? Nothing. Last I heard you were hoping to be a roadie for the Pavement reunion tour.
I am sure by the end of the month we'll all be saying, "yes daby I would like fries with that."
I don't take your lashing out personally. I see it as part of your nightmare descent. Maybe we'll stage an intervention.
I'll start:
Dear Jodi,
You were an okay sister before the glue. You would take the kids to the movies and stuff, but then you started stealing Max's model animal glue and things got weird. You started calling us a lot and wanting us to buy craft glue and paint. If we said no, you said we were not "supportive" of your artistic expressions. Then, the next time I saw you, your mouth and nose were covered in silver paint just like those kids I saw in a movie once. I didn't even recognize you. The kids miss their ol' Aunt Bad Lady.
Good luck, Ericka. She's probably too far gone by this point, but I guess somebody show give an intervention a try.