The Best: Songs (part I)

Jan 17, 2008 at 11:16 AM
137 comments

This is the list of a procrastinator. I am supposed to be writing the newsletter, but I don't want to. This will be the last newsletter I write for this place. I've been writing the newsletter since 2002. Yeah. So instead I will write a list that will guide you through the best songs by certain artists. Please do not mistake best songs with my favorite songs by that artist. They are often-times different.

Neko Case's best song is "Guided by Wire"
The Rolling Stones' best song is "Get Off of My Cloud"
Matthew Sweet's best song is "Sick of Myself"
Elvis Costello's best song is "Veronica"
The Replacements' best song is "Can't Hardly Wait"
Paul Westerberg's best song is "Crackle & Drag"
Rufus Wainwright's best song is "Cigarettes & Chocolate Milk"
Wilco's best song is "Candyfloss"
Stevie Nicks' best song is "Leather and Lace" a duet with Don Henley
Husker Du's best song is "Books about UFOs"
Frank Sinatra's best song is "One For My Baby (and one more for the road)"
Billy Bragg's best song is "Welcome to the New Brunette"
Tegan & Sara's best song is "Living Room"
Soul Asylum's best song is "Marionette"
R.E.M.'s best song is "Nightswimming"
Liz Phair's best song is "Fuck and Run"
Barenaked Ladies' best song is, HA that's a trick question they all suck
Jeff Buckley's best song is "Lover, You Should Have Come Over"
Big Star's best song is "Thirteen"
Squeeze's best song is "Black Coffee in Bed"
Weezer's best song is "Jonas"
The Lemonheads' best song is "Confetti"
Suzanne Vega's best song is "Solitude Standing"
Ani DiFranco's best song is "Untouchable Face"
Motley Crue's best song is "Too Young to Fall in Love"
Sinead O'Connor's best song is "No Man's Woman"
Soul Coughing's best song is "Screenwriter's Blues"
Huey Lewis & The News' best song is "I Want a New Drug"
Hall & Oates' best song is "Maneater"
Bon Iver's best song is "Skinny Love"
The Gear Daddies' best song is "Time Heals"
The Beach Boys' best song is "God Only Knows"
Material Issues' best song is "Valarie Loves Me"
Sugar's best song is "If I can't Change Your Mind"
Fountains of Wayne's best song is "Hey Julie"
Prince's best song is "I Could Never Take the Place of Your Man"

137 comments

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I was going to go through line by line and offer a yes or no for each artist, but this list is too long and who has the time? So here's the ones you got right:

Neko, Matthew Sweet, the Replacements, Jeff Buckley, Big Star, Huey Lewis and the News, and Hall & Oates.

Feel free to keep revising. You've got a long way to go.

So. Much. Wrongness.

It's almost too much. I'm going to need to bite it off in little chunks. I'd like to take this moment to say that the following in no way constitutes the full extent of my concerns with the aforementioned list. Dabysan Inc. reserves the right to update and expand their official comments for the record as new issues arise.

So...

Prince's best song is "Little Red Corvette," and #2 isn't close
Hall and Oates best song is "Sara Smile"
Motley Crue's best song is "Live Wire"
The Rolling Stones best song is "Under My Thumb"
Elvis Costello's best song is "Oliver's Army"

And perhaps most importantly: Huey Lewis does not have a "best song" he simply has a song that is least likely to induce homicidal rage in lab rats. I don't know what that song is, but I'm pretty sure "I want a new drug" ain't it.

I just double checked my work, and it's clear that I am right. These are the best songs.

Sara Smiles? Are you kidding me?! And Little Red Corvette comes in at #3 after the best song I listed and Darling Nikki.

No, no. "I Want a New Drug" is Huey Lewis' best song. The bigger question is: why would anyone care? The last time I thought about Huey Lewis and the News was in sixth grade.

Prince's best song is "Little Red Corvette," and #2 isn't close.
The Beach Boys' best song is "Don't Worry Baby"
The Rolling Stones' best song is "Tumbling Dice"
Liz Phair's best song is "Divorce Song"
Elvis Costello's best song is "American Without Tears"

"Little Red Corvette" is not only Prince's best song, it's better than the best song by every other artist on this list. It's no surprise you listed him last. Anybody who knows anything knows to stop reading once they see how remarkably wrong you are on that one.

I am not kidding, and it's clear that you need to hire an editor.

Not only is Maneater not Hall and Oates best song, it may not be in the top five. In addition to Sarah Smile, She's Gone, Rich Girl and I Can't Go for That, are all demonstrably better.

Everybody knows that Little Red Corvette is Prince's best song, and that Darling Nikki -- masturbation references notwithstanding -- is only the third best song on that ALBUM, and doesn't even crack the top five of Prince's catalog.

We implore you to revisit your flawed conclusions.

My list shows "Darling Nikki" is the sixth best song on that album.

Honorable people can disagree, but we're both clear that it's not Prince's best song. That'd be silly.

Very.

Wait. What? Whose song is Maneater?

Your ridiculous list suggests that Hall and Oats best song is Maneater, when it is clearly Sarah Smile.

Sorry. I misread that. I thought it said that it wasn't Hall & Oates song. Clearly I was do dumbfounded by the wrongness of your Sarah Smile assertion that I went temporarily blind there.

Maneater is the bomb bigs and you know it. Sarah Smile is crappy pap. Deal with the fact that I am right.

Okay, I just took a quick trip through Youtube to refresh my memory. Yeah - "Maneater" is the best of this miserable lot.

Motley Crue's best song is definitely Live Wire. The cowbell break puts a lump in my throat every time. And bonus points for Nikki Sixx's pants of fire in the video.
Prince's best is either Kiss or Get Off.
Hall & Oates hit their peak with She's Gone.
Bright Future In Sales is a superior Fountains Of Wayne track.

otherwise, it's a good list.

Sarah Smile is a classic from the band's heyday in the 70s. Maneater is insipid dreck from their declining 1980s period.

You hotrod are a scholar and a gentleman.

Daby and Wolfdogg are clearly hard-of-hearing morons.

Yeah, you're wrong too.

But what's disturbing is that Jodi is succeeding in deflecting attention from her ridiculous "Darling Nikki" assertion.

And Wolfdog, you're not helping. How can you be so right about Live Wire (which rulz) and so wrong about Prince. I'll retire to bedlam.

Little Red Corvette is a little too obvious to be the best. Sorry. Maybe you'll do better with the next list.

Sometimes it's best not to overthink these things. Fountains of Wayne's best and most popular are one and the same: Stacy's Mom.

As the lady said - I'm a gentleman and a scholar.

Find the video for She's Gone on YouTube. Your brains will leak out of your head from the sheer awesomeness.

Also. I understand the Soul Asylum pick, but.... the top of this mess does read 'Bittersweetheart'. And Bittersweetheart > Marionette. By a hair.

Stacy's mom sucks ass. That's the worst Fountains of Wayne song.

Only a post-ironic hipster would rule out a song for a best-of list because it's "too obvious."

Sometimes things are popular because they're awesome. This is one of those times.

And "Darling Nikki"? Puh-lease. The song immediately after Darling Nikki on Purple Rain is "When Doves Cry," which is considerably better than Darling Nikki. The song after that is "I would die 4 U," which is also better.

The only awesome in that video is Darryl Hall's hair. How does one get high on consolation anyway? The judges have ruled that the song sucks.

Did you miss the part where I said "I Could Never Take the Place of Your Man" was the best? Because I think you did.

She's gone = awesome. As does Rich Girl. As does Sarah Smile. What those songs all have in common is being worlds better than Maneater.

You've never been more wrong about anything than you are about the best Prince song. Not even brownie v. pie. Nobody is suggesting "I Could Never Take the Place Of Your Man" is not a good song. But it's absurd to suggest it's better than "Little Red Corvette."

I respect your intellect enough to trust that in the face of the mounting evidence of your profound wrongness, you'll admit your error and step into the light.

I think the carbon and monoxide are choking your thoughts away. Maneater was to Hall & Oates what I Was Made For Loving You was to Kiss. A sad attempt to fit in with the pop charts.

Maneater = I Was Made For Loving You. She's Gone = Strutter.

Four Reasons Maneater is 84 frillion times better than She's Gone:
1. That kick ass drum beat
2. Saxophone
3. It's a song about one guy warning another guy about a slutty bitch who will take his money and his heart. It's about brotherly love and not some whiny emo dude who had his heart broken
4. G.E. Smith

This is Chapter One of the Post-Ironic Hipster playbook. All those Sweet Valley High books don't lie.

Wha? Did Crunch log in to your account. hotrod you're not making sense.

Unless you count epiphanies.

God, sometimes you're the best thing ever.

Here's what I've been pondering. i am convinced that Daby only picked Tumbling Dice and LRC because those are the only RS and Prince songs he knows.

What do you think?

Don't try this divide-and-conquer routine. You're not fooling anyone. And I picked Under My Thumb, thank you very much, otherwise known as the right choice.

Little Red Corvette is not only the best Prince song of all times, it is also one of the three best pop songs ever conceived. Your wrongness on this topic knows no bounds.

That's a bold statement. Best three pop songs ever conceived? What, may I ask, are the other two?

Little Red Corvette is a little too obvious to be the best.

In all seriousness, though - that tiny phrase "too obvious" is an indicator that this whole list is not to be taken seriously. It signifies that you are not judging songs strictly on their merit. Rather, you have compiled a carefully calculated list of songs guaranteed to spark no small degree of controversy. Additionally, "obvious" in this case is a synonym for "popular." And we all know that nothing is any good if other people like it.

The first place I'd submit my resume, if I were you, is Pitchfork Media. You've got quite a potential future with them, you Post-Ironic Hipster, you.

I Want you Back by the Jackson Five and The Tracks of My Tears by Smokey Robinson.

Definitely in the top three are Little Red Corvette and I Want You Back, by the Jackson 5. I'd need to think a little bit more to give you the definitive top three in order, but that's because I like to think about my lists, rather than just dashing off whatever comes to mind...

Fuuuck that. Pitchfork can blow me.

It's just that I think the plain and simple honesty in "I Can Never Take the Place of Your Mind" is better than the extended metaphor in "Little Red Corvette"

Christ, we agree on two of three. The end days are upon us.

My favorite Kajagoogoo song is Too Shy. and I'm sticking with that pick.

Dead Flowers and Gimme Shelter are superior RS songs. (outside of Tumblin' Dice)

Yes, and that part on Maneater where they lose their shit and start almost scatting at the end. That song is amazing. Sara Smile is a bunch of blady, blady bullshit. Also, I could never take the place of your man might be the best Prince song. Daby, you don't know your Prince. Study up.

Dead Flowers is my favorite, Get Offa My Cloud is better.. . it was punk before there was punk. So awesome.

Emma is a wise woman and a voice of reason in this madness. Y'all should listen to her.

Oh look, another person who's wrong. I feel like I'm at a convention. Are you and Jodi representing the national chapter?

Just because your souls are calloused with bitterness, don't take away the sweet, simple pleasures of Sara Smile from the rest of us.

And the Prince thing is just ludicrous. Little Red Corvette isn't just kinda better, it's better in the way that a million dollars is better than a rectal cyst. I'm going to invest in music appreciation classes for both of you.

Would you care to enumerate what it is that makes LRC better? I mean other than the fact that you keep stamping your foot and claiming it so.

Alright, I'll let someone else stamp my feet for me. The last sentence is the money shot.

From Allmusic.com

by Jason Ankeny

Prince notched his first Top Ten entry with one of the most sensual and frankly explicit hits ever to crack the charts. "Little Red Corvette," a slow-burning funk-pop odyssey which is most definitely not about a sports car, is an after-dark masterpiece, aural soft porn rendered with the inextricable combination of perversity and sophistication which defines virtually all of his best work. Everything about the song is suggestive, from its moaning synthesizers to its bump-and-grind rhythm to the orgasmic squeals which punctuate Prince's vocals; even the lyrical metaphors are so persuasive -- in addition to cars, there are horses (Trojans, in fact, some of 'em used) -- that it's virtually impossible to discuss "Little Red Corvette" without lapsing into double entendres of one's own. (Really, how else to describe the incendiary coda which closes the song but as a climax?) Making a brilliant case for innuendo as an end unto itself, "Little Red Corvette"'s triumph is that even while the song -- much like the body of its lusty heroine -- is "just on the verge of being obscene," it never succumbs to blatant tastelessness; even as an evocation of pure sexuality, it appeals to the imagination as much as the libido. Not just Prince's first major hit single, "Little Red Corvette" may be his very best -- only fitting that a song about staying power would have so much of its own.

It's good to have you aboard the "Maneater" bandwagon, defending against cloying, saccharine pablum of "Sara Smile" and "Rich Girl." But I expected better of you on the Prince issue. I know you know your Prince better than Daby, so your suggesting that "ICNTTPOYM" is better than the sublime "Little Red Corvette" is disturbing. It's an excellent song, to be sure, but in no way does it even approach the genius of "Corvette."

ICNTTPOYM is a much more intellectual song, and LRC appeals to our baser instincts. So yeah. No one is denying the greatness of LRC, it's just not his best. Sheesh.

You're obviously confused. I think what you meant to type was:

No one is denying the greatness of ICNTTPOYM, it's just not his best. Sheesh.

Yeah. That's what I look for in my pop music. Intellectualism. I'm beginning to understand how you got to be so wrong.

Now come on, I am all for music feeding into some of my baser instincts. need we revisit the whole dancing argument?

It's just the emotional honesty of ICNTTPOYM is better and more fulfilling than the car/horse metaphor of LRC.

I just had an epiphany. I went to re-listen to LRC and hit the wrong track.

D.M.S.R. is the best Prince song.

You need to listen to Little Red Corvette again. Your arguments sound like those of someone who's read the lyrics to the song but hasn't actually listened to it. What makes it great is the hook, the melody and the just-subtle-enough sexual innuendo in Prince's voice. It's brilliant. Suggesting that any other song is his best is wrong.

At least I can make an argument and not rely on the words of others. For someone who claims to love LRC, you sure seem to be at a loss for words to defend it.

Was the sentence where I talked about the the superior hook, melody and emotional quality not good enough?

Your principle argument against LRC seems to be that you tire quickly of its central metaphor, which to me kind of seems to be missing the point of the song, to the extent there is one.

Like all truly iconic rock songs, LRC touches a deep emotional chord that has to do with far more than the sum of its parts, and has little, if anything, to do with the intellectualism of its lyrics.

Maybe you can make such an argument, but you've not done so as yet. You just said ICNTTPOYM was more intellectual, but offered no reasons for why it's (supposedly) more intellectual than LRC or why "more intellectual" is better or even something we should care about when considering pop music.

ICNTTPOYM trades in some emotional complexities I wouldn't expect you boys to understand. Little Red Corvette is just about sex, a cock song. A good cock song, but a cock song nonetheless. Now on ICNTTPOYM, we hear a wise, world-weary Prince speak. He's grown up a little since the days where all he cared about was a "pocket full of Trojans." He knows "that's a dead end." He's got the self-awareness to acknowledge that he "may be qualified for a one-night stand but he could never take the place of your man." And he smart enough to know she's not going to be satisfied with a friendship. Shit. I've lived these lyrics. Except for the bit about being left with a baby. Or the old man running away. Ok wait. I haven't lived this song at all...

In pop music, more complex doesn't = better, older doesn't = better and virtually all the really good songs are, at some level, cock songs.

virtually all the really good songs are, at some level, cock songs.

Fuuuck that. That is so much bullshit that I can't even come up with a response.

Awesome. I win.

Yes, you win the sexist prick award. Congrats!

Is there a ceremony, or do I just get my trophy in the mail?

And besides I mean "cock songs" in the broadest possible interpretation of the word. Think "cock" in the rainbow-y gender neutral sense.

And who the hell are we talking about anyway? This is Prince right? All of his songs are about sex. All the good ones anyway.

Can you just agree that you're wrong about LRC, so we can move on to discussing why you're wrong about Veronica?

Veronica was a tough call, pig. I will admit that. And for awhile I had both Indoor Fireworks and Everyday I Write the Book in that slot. But Veronica persevered.

Wait, am I a prick or a pig? Your imprecision on these matters is precisely why the masses have rejected your list.

But now that you've at least conceded that you were wrong in disputing that LRC is the best Prince song ever, I will concede that one of your Elvis Costello songs (Every Day I Write the Book) belongs at least in his top five.

Veronica though? Really? It's not even his best song with titled after a woman's first name.

You are both, prick and pig. You're multifaceted.

I am not conceding anything where LRC is concerned.

And Veronica beats Allison because the upbeat tempo totally betrays the melancholy lyrics of the song. That kind of odd juxtaposition rules.

Every Day I Write the Book? Seriously? I mean.... Seriously?!?!

I'm willing to forget you said that because I am absolutely positive you're judging that song based solely on the title, but that doesn't change the fact that nothing from fucking Spike belongs in the top five Elvis Costello anything. Unless you're compiling a list of his top five shitty records. Check out This Year's Model, Get Happy!!, and Armed Forces. They were released around 1980, so they've probably made it out to the sticks by now. But let me know if you have trouble tracking them down. I could send you a CD. Do you have CD's yet? Nevermind. I'll just send a cassette.

Correction to the Weezer song, the title is "My Name Is Jonas." But that still doesn't trump "Buddy Holly."

hotrod replied to Cap'n Crook’s comment:
Jan 18, 2008
Reply

Don't make the mistake of presuming that Jodi's list is based on a careful consideration of musical merit. It most certainly is not, and once you read the list in that context, things begin to make more sense. My Name is Jonas is the only Weezer song featured in a Guitar Hero video game. It could very well be the only Weezer song Jodi knows. That's why it gets the nod here over Buddy Holly or Weezer's best song: Say It Ain't So.

Cap'n Crook replied to hotrod’s comment:
Jan 18, 2008
Reply

Ah. Good point. I forgot about the GH factor.

Say it Ain't So? Say it Ain't So? Everything from the brilliant and underrated Pinkerton is better than Say it Ain't So. You are in serious need of those music appreciation classes that Daby's offering.

The only reason Buddy Holly gets any recognition is because of the Spike Jonze video. The song is cute, but by no means the best.

Guys, I know it doesn't look like it, but I think we're making progress here.

Jodi has gracefully conceded that she is wrong about Prince and Elvis Costello, and now we're on to concerns about (far) lesser acts like Weezer.

I like that song about the sweater.

Jodi has gracefully conceded that she is wrong

I did not! Your reading comprehension is as bad as your musical tastes.

Fine, I guess you weren't that graceful...

Only because I wasn't wrong.

Sigh. We're regressing again. Why don't we change the subject.

For instance, we can talk about how you're wrong about Husker Du.

Their best song is clearly "I Apologize."

No it isn't. It barely makes the top five. There's something wrong with you.

...you mean apart from being a prick and a pig?

And I'm clearly right. Everyone says so.

Daby, darling, the voices in your head do not constitute everyone.

And while we're at it, since I clearly know more about the Replacements than you, "Unsatisfied" is the best Replacements song.

Unsatisified the best, bwahahahahahahahhhhaaaaa. Oh god, that was a good one.

You're so cute when you're delusional.

It's true. And what do you know about the Replacements anyway?

Didn't they sing that Friends song?

did you forget that I know the guy who wrote the book about The Replacements? I have a PhD in Replecementology.

Before we get to the marginal artist on the list, there's a few other major blunders to consider. We'll get to Wilco, Liz Phair, and Billy Bragg shortly, but first I want to direct everyone's attention to a commendable double-hipster ploy on Jodi's part. Everyone knows by now that "Pet Sounds" is in the Post-Ironic Hipster's wheelhouse, so it's no great shock that Jodi's "best" song comes from that record. Anyof their early, more popular, works would be "too obvious." But the nice approach here is the layered "too obvious" tactic. She didn't pick the obvious best song Sloop John B or even the obvious second-best Wouldn't It Be Nice. Kudos, Jodi, for selecting the third best song on the record. The Post-Ironic Hipsters are proud.

The Beach Boys' actual best song is Don't Worry Baby.

Jodi for sure shored up her PIH credentials with this list and the subsequent arguments. The best Beach Boys song is actually Good Vibrations, but you're right about her ludicrous reasoning.

I wouldn't expect a couple of brain-dead maroons such as you and Daby to understand the emotional complexity of something such as God Only Knows.

get on with your good vibrations, losers.

Intellectualism... Emotional complexity... What the hell do you think pop music is supposed to be? No wonder your list is so fucked up.

Well every First-Degree PIH music geek knows that God Only Knows was Paul "Treacle" McCartney's favorite Beach Boys song, so at least we know the origin of that "choice."

music is for sitting and listening. Why would you want anything else but intellectualism and emotional complexity? Anybody who wants fun and ass shaking isn't paying attention to the music.

I know. Taking your musical cues from the guy who wrote Got To Get You Into My Life will lead you nowhere.

I didn't even know that was Paul's favorite Beach Boys song. for someone you both seem to disrespect, y'all sure know a lot about his likes and dislikes.

PIH handbook page 359: Disavow any knowledge of conventional PIH wisdom. Well played SuperPIH, well played.

"Who is Paul McCartney?"

Calling me names does not deflect attention from the goodness, soundness, and bestness of this list.

I agree with you that it's not our name-calling that takes away from the alleged "goodness" of the list. Your PIH pals at Pitchfork would love it though. They'd put it on their best lists of the aughties segment.

The only thing I know about Pitchfork, I have learned from its most avid fans, you and hotrod.

I don't expect you to be able to grasp how great this list is. It's way above your head.

I don't know. It might be a bit "too obvious" for their Best List of the Aughties list.

They would be lucky if I were to allow them to use this list, it is a thing of grandeur and beauty. Too bad neither of you can see that.

Your omission of the adjective "correctness" in the description of this list's attributes has been duly noted.

You have made it abundantly clear that nuance and subtlety are not your thing. The correctness is implied. A list that is grand and great would by its very nature be correct. Sorry to make it completely explicit for you captain obvious.

A list that is grand and great would by its very nature be correct.

That's specious logic. Beauty does not necessarily imply truth.

Now, now. Let's give Jodi a little credit for omitting Billy Joel from the list because every song of his is on the same level: suckalicious.

Dabysan replied to Cap'n Crook’s comment:
Jan 18, 2008
Reply

"My Life" is clearly the best Billy Joel song.

Also, in case you were wondering...

Elton John's best song is "Rocket Man"
The Sex Pistols' best song is "God Save the Queen"
Gang of Four's best song is "I Found that Essence Rare"
Michael Jackson's best (solo) song is "Billy Jean"
The Clash's best song is "White Man in Hammersmith Palais"

Wrong, wrong, wrong.

Elton John's best song is "Mona Lisas and Mad Hatters"
The Sex Pistols best song is "No Feelings"
Gang of Four's best song is... uh... "I Found that Essence Rare"
-- Billy Jean is right --
The Clash's best song is "I Fought the Law"

And what's more...

Van Halen's best song is "Hot For Teacher"
The New Pornographers' best song is "Jackie"
The Who's best song is "I Can See for Miles"
Lyle Lovett's best song is "The Girl in the Corner"
Everclear's best song is "Wonderful"

You got a couple dead on. The Who being a shining example.

On some others you're wrong. Not Jodi-level wrong of course, but wrong all the same.

The New Pornographers best song is "Ballad of the Comeback Kid'
Van Halen's best song is "Little Guitars"

And can we all just agree at the outset that nobody will ever be more right about the Clash than I am? Including, should it come up, surviving members of the band.

Of course I'm not Jodi-level wrong. Only deaf people and those who have hobbies other than music can approach Jodi-level wrongness.

Little Guitars is a fine song, but it's not as good as Hot for Teacher - if only because I can go on Youtube and watch the modest T&A that is the Hot for Teacher video. There's nothing intellectual or emotionally complex about Hot for Teacher. It's a cock song, like all the best songs throughout pop music history.

As for the New Pornographers, I could quibble, but I won't. I mean - I'm right, but only just barely. The important thing is that we both recognize that all their best tunes are the Dan Bejar tunes.

Geewillies! So many comments - the scrolling down caused vertigo.
Since reading this yesterday, I've been contemplating the difference between a band's best song and one's favorite song by said band. Many of the band-song combinations you listed are also my favorite song by the band/artist. I believe this means I have impeccable taste.

Here are the ones I think you got wrong:

Squeeze - "Slap and Tickle" is Squeeze's best song because it perfectly combines the vocals of both Chris Difford (mainly the songwritter) and Glen Tilbrook (mainly the singer). My favorite Squeeze song is "Up the Junction".

Huey Lewis & the News: not a fan, but "Heart of Rock & Roll" is their best song.

Billy Bragg- You are so, so wrong about this one. "Best Leap Forward" is Mr. Bragg's best song. No question. He's even re-written it to fit the times.
My favorite is "New England" .

And...( I shutter before I utter)...."Crackle and Drag" is simply Paul Westerberg's best song about Sylvia Plath. I can't pick a best song, though.

Little Guitars is a fine song, but it's not as good as Hot for Teacher - if only because I can go on Youtube and watch the modest T&A that is the Hot for Teacher video. There's nothing intellectual or emotionally complex about Hot for Teacher. It's a cock song, like all the best songs throughout pop music history.

Aren't you the same rat bastard who claimed that a video plays no role in the goodness or badness of a song?

When did y'all become such sexist pigs?

A video can't make a bad song good, but it can make an already good song better. QED.

But the real question is can it make a mid-tempo ballad a rock song?

Nice try at a redirect. Let's stick to the issues I am right about in January, rather than the issues I was right about three months ago.

The only thing you've been right about so far in January is Elton John's best song. Other wise it's kind of status quo.

The only thing you've been right about so far.... Other wise it's kind of status quo.

This doesn't make any sense. You've made two completely opposing statements. I think what you meant is: "It's been kind of status quo - you been right about many things, including Elton John's best song."

No. I meant that other than one weird change in the status quo, your being right about Elton John, things are relatively the same with you being wrong about most everything under the sun.

....you being wrong about most everything under the sun.

But that's not the"status quo." Do you know what status quo means? I've found that - when I come across big, foreign-sounding words that I don't know exactly what they mean - it's best to look them up before I attempt to use them, undoubtedly incorrectly, in a sentence. It helps me avoid those embarrassing situations like the one you are in right now. You should consider it.

If I didn't know what status quo meant, then I'd have no idea that your rightness concerning Elton John was such an aberration.

I just assumed you thought "abberation" meant "something that happens all the time." I mean, you obviously didn't know what status quo meant.

I know when your comments are offensive and dismissive of my intelligence that I have won. You have to call me dumb because you can't tear apart the impeccable perfectness of my list.

Thanks hotrod!

Let's not start with the victory signifiers here. You compared me to Cappy after about twenty comments. There's no clearer indication of surrender. It's the Vox equivalent of Godwin's Law.

You made a completely random, nonsense comment that wasn't even germane to the topic. The comparison was fitting.

Doesn't matter. You call me Crunch, that tells me I got to you. Therefore, I win.

Nice try. Making nonsense comments and being called out on it does not mean you "got me" or that you win. Try again.

She's right Hotrod. You won because she's wrong, not because she compared you to Crunch.

See Jodi, I got your back.

She's right Hotrod. You won because she's wrong, not because she compared you to Crunch.

Let's just be clear here. She's right that my recent claim of her being wrong is based on tenuous logic. But I am right that she is wrong when she claims her bullshit list has any validity whatsoever. In short, she might have won the battle, but I am still winning the war.

Finally. It looks like we have all come to an agreement that I am right and you are wrong. I knew the utter goodness of my best of list would come through for me in the end.

Thank you gentlemen.

With all the time you need to spend at music appreciation class, I really hope we don't have to add "reading comprehension" to your course load.

I will say this about your list. It is remarkable in one respect. It has a galvanizing effect on people of all different backgrounds and world views. Whatever we believe, whatever we do, wherever we go, we all agree that your list is wrong.

I don't understand why my comprehension is in question. It's clear from your own words that you agree that my list is correct and I am right.

Hotrod said, "Let's just be clear here. She's right."
Dabysan said, " She's right Hotrod."

I don't think it could be anymore clear.

I knew you were desperate, but this is just sad. I wouldn't have expected you to lower yourself to former Brownieublican levels. You could have made a specious, yet intellectually honest argument with:

Hotrod said, "Let's just be clear here. She's right...."

Instead, you just truncated my original sentence, which read in full: "She's right that my recent claim of her being wrong is based on tenuous logic." Not to mention that both of those statements are taken entirely out of context and neither refer to your ridiculous list. Shameful.

Oh Boo Hoo. You both said I was right and that's all that matters. RIGHT. You don't me saying either of you are right at all, do you? I win.

You're right about several things. This list is not one of them. And nobody ever said otherwise.

Wrong. Emma said I was right. Of course you forgot that.

She agreed with you about one song. That hardly validates your entire list. And she said at the Rhett Miller show Prince's best song is actually "Raspberry Beret," so her support is somewhat tenuous.

Like I'm going to believe a word you say.

It's true. Why would I lie?

The Best: Songs (part I)

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